The Royal Thrown ( toilet)

You know you are a V.I.P. when many people care how much you pee and when you poop. After many years of feeling insignificant in this great big world, I suddenly became the center of many professional people's interest.
If you haven't guessed yet, I was recently a surgery patient in a local hospital.
It begins the moment your transferred from surgery to a regular room. Every half hour, someone is inspecting the surgery site, testing your vitals (pulse, blood pressure, lung sounds), they hang new bags of fluid, they ask you your pain level, they ask if you have "voided yet." Answering no, I almost felt their palpable disappointment. Then there is the extra medicine which must be injected either into the main line in my hand or into my belly.
One bright light, they put me on a continuous morphine drip with the button to push for an extra dose every six minutes (yeah, I was high but the pain was down to a three (1-10 scale).
Now back to the pee and poop. After gingerly getting down off the bed for the first time, I got to the bathroom and peed in the plastic receptacle. This container was routinely poured into a measuring cup and notated on a pee volume chart.
First special moment, my urine was important enough to my care that it was precisely measured and notated. I made sure to always pee in the plastic insert and not the water so they're measurements would not be off.
The poop became the stuff of hospital legend. You see due to my type of surgery, I was not allowed to leave the hospital until I had the legendary first bowel movement. I began receiving daily laxatives. I walked alot, as I was told that would help. Every day, lots of gas but no bowel movement. A little joke from the exhusband, "a fart is just a terd whistling for the right of way." Anyway, every new nursing shift (every 8 hours) my new nurse inquired as to my bowel movement. The doctor upped the laxative power, new more potent stuff, meant to open up the clogged drains. But with all the walking . . still nothing.
Do you know what it is like to be on "poop watch." As I rounded the nurses station on my many daily walks I felt them talking about my lack of pooping. I wanted to do it for them but especially for me as I was ready to leave the confining walls of my little room and the hall corridors.
Well, halleuha one precious moment some poop came out.
During the nurses next visit I was able to answer yes to the "did you have a bowel movement" question. Well her reaction was so excited, "good, and she went to inspect just to see for herself." Word spread like wild fire, every medical professional, including my doc who entered my room after that, congratulated me on my going. It brought me back to my early potty training when mommy and daddy had a celebration over that first non-diaper poop.
I was doubly rewarded by my doctor's release from my hospital captivity. Yeah for the poop! Halleluah, congratulations, good job, you finally did it; these were just a few of the accolades I received from all levels of the staff.
Now back home, they don't care how much or how often I pee and they don't even want to know if I poop.
Oh well, back to obscurity. A regular person. No more "Royal Thrown" treatment. But it sure made me feel important while it lasted.

Heart Ache

I feel real pain in my heart, it is broken. My sweet friendly friend died last week. I am glad to be busy because the pain from the greif hurts unbearably.
What exactly does it feel like? Like there is an anvil sitting on my chest and I can't breath and the pressure hurts and I it is pressing down on my diaphram making it hard to breath. I don't like this pain, that's why I don't like death and dying. Those who leave, leave; those who stay hurt, miss them, want them back, think about the memories as to do so will somehow keep them with us longer. Dream about them, good ones mostly. Hear their voice. Feel their presence. Talk to them, silently or out loud.
I need a friend to make the pain go away, but no, I've found it to be a solitary condition. Alone and in pain, how long will this last.
I think during the memorial we will all bond and have some closure.
But for now, heart achey pain.
Owww, Ouch, Owww, Ouch
Lord make it stop, save me from this pain. Receive Carol into your arms. May she rest in your peace. For this I ask in Jesus' mighty name. Amen

Craziness in Academia Land

Never enough time
Study not sleep
Caffein
Sheer will power
Fight the weary body
Eye strain
Block out all distractions
Give yourself infractions
No quitting
No giving up
Focus on the goal
Nothing but net
Aim high
Work hard but smart
Breath
Try to take breaks
Take walks (they're good for a brain boost)
Break large assignments down into manageble bites
Keep the large picture in mind
Collaborate
Talk about your work
Think about your work (make the time)
Believe you can do it
Failure is not an option
Breath again
Love Your Family (but let them cook)
Remember, to ask God's blessings

Cancer takes my Mother In Law

Carol, our silly, lovely friend and family member.
Tonight my mother-in-law passed away. In December she was cleared of cancer cells. She had made it two years cancer free. Her hair was back, her appetite was back, her energy was back and she made us laugh.
Carol was truly blessed, besides her family, by her side in her last days were seven loyal friends of 30 years plus. They that is the measure of one's life, who your friends are.
During the eight years that I knew her, she welcomed me into her family fold. Me, a single mother of two boys was embraced by herself, her brother, her mom and countless other distance relatives. She one time donated over $100 dollars so that my son could go on a Yosemite trip with his 7th grade class. She bought us a generous living room sectional because all we had was an old one s neighbor had cast off. She helped my husband in so many ways, with a car, with her unyielding support of his sober lifestyle, of his success in his education and achieving directorship of a clean and sober rehabilitation center. She showed up at every rehab family picnic in the middle of summer and mixed with all the recovering addicts and alcoholics as if she was one of them.
Sure she was rough around the edges, but her dry sense of humour hinted at the kind, compassionate heart lurking beneath the tough exterior. Her nickname for me was "weirdo", today I cherish her estimation of me because I think that means one of thinks outside the box.
Presently I am waiting for my husband, his aunt and uncle to arrive home from the hospital, she has passed and I'm not sue what they can do tonight. Probably lots of decisions.
She was so special to my husband, a single mother, who after her husband left her, picked herself up by her bootstraps, joined the company where she worked for thirty years and made all her close friends. She always supported her two boys, both financially, socially, emotionally and spiritually==a true mother.
She has passed two days before Mother's Day, I don't feel this is a bad thing, we will remember her fondly this day, the rest of our lives. She was only 66, next month she was to retire and had plans to travel to her beloved Italy. I prayed for her salvation and to some extent I think she accepted the concept of maybe there is a God. I was not the person to say the salvation prayer with her but I prayed constantly for her salvation, right up to end. I hope God was able to speak to her heart.
My husband said this is the hardest thing he's ever had to go through, and he has quite a history of hard times. He idolize her, he gave her his love, his time, his service, she meant the world to him. What she needed he provided. He was internally grateful for being his best mom and all the help and support she had given him over the years.
Carol knew the end was near, up to 32 hours before her passing she was ready to go, her pain was beyond excruciating. She was fortunate to say goodbye to all her good friends and even her family members. We all loved her very much.
She marked each holiday with festive gifts for everybody. At Easter everyone got a little Easter basket (mostly adults) and she arranged the Easter egg hunt. At Christmas, her gifts were generous and carefully chosen to please the receiver.
She shunned pictures of herself but I always disobeyed her and now I'm glad I did, I caught her many times in the middle of her silliness. At Thanksgiving, she planned the meal and cooked most of it. These things she did selfishly and for the pleasing of others. She honored and took care of her elderly mother.
She loved my kids, though they were not her own.
What else? Even in her last 32 hours, she used her sense of humour to poke fun at her self, her situation and exchange witty banter with friends and family== that was her style. It crackes us up and lightened the load on all of us--another example of her self effacing ways. She succumbed to her disease with acceptance, grace and dignity. Her decisions for handling things after her death were not a big concern for her, it was mainly what would make others feel comfortable.
There is an old saying, that end of one's life the measure of a person is not the wealth they accrued, not the success they achieved but the quality of friendships. In that regard, Carol was a very wealthy woman. I wish all of us could be blessed by the friends she cultivated, they were more like family, with histories ranging up to 50 years. They all came to visit and to say their final goodbyes. Everyone was struck by her unusual openness to affection and expressions of love and gratitude. You see her style has always been to be fiercely independent and stoic. She put up with my hugs, but was not very comfortable with them. Not so, during her last moments, we hugged and she expressed great caring for my two boys and for me being in Craig' s life.
She loved birthday celebrations and always had special presents for our family celebrations. I remember the year she made a home made Alligator cake for Craig.
Though Carol is gone, her mark on her lives was big, was good, and she will be part of our changed life forever. God Bless you Carol, may you see your father in the after life as you hoped you would. You were lovely, honorable, and the best friend and mother one could have. Thank you for being a part of our lives.

Too Tired

I'm soo tired, work, family, college---its alot at one time. I just want to have one day that I don't have stuff to do. Next week is spring break but I will be catching up on homework but I will try to have some adventures to write about. I started using two social networking sites, Twitter and Facebook. I now have 1 follower on twitter and 7 friends on Facebook. What's cool is four of my relatives that live on the East coast. We're all part of an Italian family that started with 11 brothers and sisters. My dad was part of that family. I am part of about 50 cousins, and now they have kids so I guess they would be second cousins. So, I'm thinking that these networks are fun and a good way of finding old friends and family. Last time I went to New York to visit was in 2000, I attended a big wedding and a big family picnic. There were so many Falcones, and they are soo New York, with the accent but they are also very warm and friendly. I love my aunts, my dad's sisters, but they don't travel so I only get to see them when I go to New York, which is not very often. So, more tired, I leave you, good night.

Snatched from Life and into the Hospital

One moment i was watching students at an assembly and the next I'm crumbled up in a corner in accute pain in my abdomen. it brought me to my knees and tears to my eyes. my coworker drove me to the hospital. They were way busy and I had to wait in pain in the waiting room for two hours. Then into the ER for four hours, then a CAT scan and pain meds (dilaudin) which made me nautious. Finally they got me a room upstairs and it was nice and they took care of me. In the morning they entered my abdomen with a needle to sample infection and insert a drain. They are giving me what they call the "big guns" of antibiotics every 8 hours.
So, the next night I'm hanging out blogging, watching Craig Ferguson and even doing homework. Also went for a couple of walks to keep system moving. The nurses here are delightful, the kind of people I'd like to hang around. They are so gentle, and they care about all my body functions and comfort level. Wouldn't it be nice to have people treat me that way all the time.
Well, they want to do surgery and cut out the infection. I think I'm ready, I been strugling with this for two plus years. Dr Dubar came in and was very confident about taking care of my problem. He is the first, three other surgeons did not want to operate. You see my case is very unique and difficult.
Dr. Dubar is like a legend in the hospital, his reputation of being the surgeon with the most challenging patients preceeded him.
I'm falling asleep so will add more tomoro.
I

birthday month---craziness in march

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, my head sings to me, reminding me of the 54 past years I have heard that song. I still like to recognize my birthday, I enjoy the fact that I have enough self-esteem to consider that an important occasion to commemorate. I am a very giving person all year round, so allowing a little spot light on me once a year is me allowing others to give back.
This year finds me in transition. The big thing is finishing my teaching credential at CSUSacramento in Special Education. I have one more year to go. I am enjoying being back on campus, meeting professors and students. So far, first five classes, straight A's, no brag, just facts. I work as special education teaching assistant during the day and attend university classes full time at night. In between I attend to everything family and home. This is a rigorous path I am treading but fortunately I get breaks, holidays and summers.
I have to be careful as my immune system is breaking down and I'm getting sick quite often. Had some issues at work with several coworkers which put me over the top the last two weeks. Everything is settling back down now.
Changing topics. I am an ex smoker. But I still crave cigarettes during stressful periods. I tried smoking again but I always get sick, I think I now have an extreme allergy to cigarettes. So, no more puffs. One more bad habit kicked to the curb. I decided to substitute walking exercise to treat the stress feelings instead of the cigs, its working rather well.
All for now. Remember, no more smoking!

blogger finds her way

It took me way too long to get to my enter blog spot. I had to change my password and even then it took three attempts to log in. The writing part is the easiest the technology part is easy too but time consuming for someone like me who won't read the directions or take the tutorial first. Anyway today is the dawn of President Obama's inaguration. Tomorrow January 20th, 2008. I will be at work but plan to make time to watch his inaugural speech. I'm pretty excited to hear him and also Pastor Rick Warren's invocation. The news stations are going nuts, the coverage is extensive. My students with learning disabilities know about the new president but don't reallly personally care. I wish I knew more people who were reallly excited. I think their was alot more excitement after the election. Being an ex-reporter I'm into news coverage, I love it, I breath it, it gives me life. So, I will watch during work, after work and long into the night.

On a different note. I want to say being part of a family is never easy.

Sometimes a Monkey will do ...

We never know how our lives will wind up. Of course death is never neat and tidy but we live in denial and create a blurry fantasy of gently drifting off into the clouds where angels await to welcome us home.
Miss Tony's husband Les died in his home. Unfortunately Miss Tony has recently developed senility type symptoms. Health workers estimate she fell and lay in the house with her deceased husband for four to five days. She was so confused when paramedics brought her out that she smiled and waved to the crowd of neighbors, like she was a princess on a New Years day parade float.
Well, today I went to see Miss Tony in the hospital. She spoke softly and seemed peaceful and kind of lost. She spoke only briefly but her words made sense. I brought her a get well card with purple pansies on the front, she said "It is beatiful". I brought her a stuffed animal, a monkey with really long arms, legs and tail. She said "He is cute". And she played with his arms for many minutes. She said "I like". In order to make her smile I did some funny dancing and she did perk up a little bit. I wonder if her mindlessness is God's way of protecting her from the pain of losing her life long companion. They were like two peas in a pod. Now she is one seed blowing in the wind. Where will Miss Tony land? There are no children or close relatives. Finally I heard a neice had been located. Please Lord send your angels, surround Miss Tony, and carry her onto her heavenly journey. Oh, and please let her bring the monkey.
Charlie1

My little Chinese Lady

Her name is Miss Tony AKA Toshiko, they always Americanize their names for us. Anyway, my neighbor, my grandma age lil lady of love is in trouble. Seems her sanity has taken leave for awhile but has left her with a wistful smile, at least. She used to come by to give us "Japanese Crackers" which were not very good, but I told her I liked them, so she brought more, and more. I brought them to my high school students and they hate them when they got really hungry. One day she brought me "da cat" and she made her hand do a lill clawing move. It looks like a souvineir you might buy in China Town. It's about 6 inches tall, metallic gold and painted with lively colors to look like a majestic Chinese Cat or kind of like a Buddha Cat, when you turn it on it waves its one arm back and forth forever, until you turn it off. I love that Cat, it sits above my desk at school. On my bad days I say we need some kitty and I turn on the Cat to cheer us up. Anyway, Miss Tony's husband was found dead in their home while she was found laying on the ground alive in the front room. She was sitting up in the gurney as they wheeled her away to the ambulance, I thought she would look all distraught and sick, but no, she looked over at me, smiled and raised her lill arm and waved it back and forth forever. I love Miss Tony and I hope to see her again soon, maybe tomorrow.

Welcome to my Party . . .

My party is my place
my space
where I live in my head

you are invited to my party
please come as you are
introduce yourself, I like to meet new people
I promise to use good manners

Let's have fun, remember life is short, and then you die.
In between let's have desert, let's dance as long as we can
Let's not care if we look silly

This is my place but thank you for coming to my party!