Heart Ache

I feel real pain in my heart, it is broken. My sweet friendly friend died last week. I am glad to be busy because the pain from the greif hurts unbearably.
What exactly does it feel like? Like there is an anvil sitting on my chest and I can't breath and the pressure hurts and I it is pressing down on my diaphram making it hard to breath. I don't like this pain, that's why I don't like death and dying. Those who leave, leave; those who stay hurt, miss them, want them back, think about the memories as to do so will somehow keep them with us longer. Dream about them, good ones mostly. Hear their voice. Feel their presence. Talk to them, silently or out loud.
I need a friend to make the pain go away, but no, I've found it to be a solitary condition. Alone and in pain, how long will this last.
I think during the memorial we will all bond and have some closure.
But for now, heart achey pain.
Owww, Ouch, Owww, Ouch
Lord make it stop, save me from this pain. Receive Carol into your arms. May she rest in your peace. For this I ask in Jesus' mighty name. Amen